On the issue of Iraq, there are basically four different viewpoints. Like a good Republican, I support the war, and I support the troops. Anti-war folks say they don’t support the war, but still support the troops. These idiots are against the war and against the troops… (More coverage and discussion at CalStuff). But we rarely hear from the fourth group. They have finally found a voice in this Onion article entitled: “I Support The Occupation Of Iraq, But I Don’t Support Our Troops.”

The U.S. went to war in Iraq to remove an evil and dangerous political adversary from power. Now that we have done that, the American troops must remain in Iraq until the country is a fully functioning democracy, able to spark change throughout the entire Middle East. While I find this obvious, there are still a lot of people in our country who fail to grasp it. I support Bush-administration foreign-policy goals, but I stand firmly against the individual men and women on the ground in the Persian Gulf.
—
Need I remind the reader that it is our flag, not the troops, that we salute? It is our nation-state, not a bunch of 20-year-olds in parachute pants, that deserves our allegiance. As a patriot and true American, my heart sings at the thought of the Pentagon, and the zealous, calculating measures undertaken by the proud military bureaucracy of this great superpower. I feel a surge of pride when I think about our high-tech GBU laser-guided bombs, capable of carrying a 2,000-pound warhead. I tied a ribbon around my tree for the safe return of our nation’s F-16s, because our military aircraft are instrumental to finishing our work in Iraq. And on the back of my car, I have a sticker stating my support for the CIA’s ongoing efforts in Iraq.

Read it all; it’s funny. And unlike that recent opinion piece in the Daily Cal, we know that this isn’t to be taken seriously.