America and the Emerald Isle

Surprising trans-Atlantic parallels

By Reva Alavian
From the March 2005 Print Edition

Certain legends and fables appear in several forms in cultures around the world. The details might change, but the stories share distinct similarities and common threads. In honor of St. Patrick’s Day this month, we’re looking at Ireland — famous worldwide for its magical folklore — and the surprising but intriguing parallels between Irish culture and American culture.

One of the scariest fairies in Irish lore is called the Pooka. Unlike the friendly, cute kind of fairy we usually picture, the Pooka is vindictive and mean. He tries to take a share of the people’s crops at the end of the harvest, and farmers must be sure to leave him a portion, or calamity will befall them. The Irish Pooka, luckily, is contained in certain regions of Ireland, while the American versions, known as Democrats, sadly roam about the entire county. These Democrats demand a larger and larger portion of the people’s income every year, and if their greed is not satisfied, calamity in the form of the IRS comes to town.

A more commonly known creature of Irish legend is the banshee. The banshee is a female spirit who can appear in three forms: a young woman, a steely matron, or an old hag. Her wail can shatter glass, and her screaming presence outside a house indicates the imminent death of someone within. The American version of the banshee, Hillary Clinton, has only two forms of late; three guesses which version of her hasn’t been seen since the seventies. She, too, makes her way around the country, wailing in a horrific fashion about any number of issues. The only difference is that her shrieking voice doesn’t indicate a death about to occur, but rather makes people want to commit murder.

Something many Irish parents fear is the appearance of changelings. When fairy mothers give birth, sometimes their children die or appear deformed, and to replace these children with healthy ones, they steal mortal babies, leaving behind the sickly fairy children in disguise. Humans can tell when a changeling has been left behind because these creatures are ill-tempered and can work great evil in a household; they howl and screech and are never happy unless misfortune occurs. It’s said that their yells are often more than humans can endure. This description fits perfectly the American Angry Left: always in a bad mood, screaming and shouting for no reason, and acting like whiny children. They are only happy when something terrible happens to America and rejoice in the pain of their countrymen. If only we could claim that they, too, were left in the place of real Americans.

The patron saint of Ireland, Saint Patrick, helped bring Christianity to the island hundreds of years ago. One of his great acts was the banishment of the snakes from Ireland. Legend has it that he stood atop a hill and used his wooden staff to drive the snakes from the country forever. Now, I am of course not likening our government to a saint … but if we’re talking about working to eliminate a plague upon humanity, such as terrorism, and ridding our land of the threat, then I’m seeing a little bit in common here, too.

Leprechauns are perhaps the most famous of all Irish legends. The leprechauns are also a kind of fairy, and they are the guardians of the ancient treasure that was left behind long ago. When someone tries to steal the treasure, oftentimes a pot of gold, the leprechaun uses his cunning to escape with the money intact. We have leprechauns in America, too, but here they’re known as Republicans. Against the greed of others, who try to take what isn’t theirs, Republicans use their legislative “magic” to try to create new ways to protect their possessions. Sadly, they’re not as successful as Irish leprechauns in keeping all of the money away from covetous hands — but then again, they don’t have to wear green coats and top hats, so it evens out in the end.

So, what political party best embodies the cultural values of Ireland? Let’s look at a couple of key characteristics. The Irish aren’t afraid to get into a fight if need be — if the situation calls for it, they will get up from their bar stools, roll up their sleeves, and do what needs to be done. One point to Republicans. The Irish are notorious for being rowdy and having a great time, especially with a drink in hand. Anyone who has been to a Republican convention would agree: One point to Republicans. Ireland is famous for producing redheads, and what color is the Republican Party on any electoral map? That’s right, red. The only conclusion we can draw from this is, obviously, that every person of Irish descent in America should vote Republican. Along with everyone else, of course.

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