Setting the Record Straight

Is there any such thing as a mediocre president?

By Ben Chapman
From the February 2006 Print Edition

As most of us know, there were actually more presidents than just Washington, Jefferson, Roosevelt, and Lincoln — we just have no idea who they were. And no, Franklin and Hamilton were not presidents.

We have two types of leaders in this country: “money presidents,” whose faces rub our hips and demand our respect, and the other guys. We have forgotten the names of those other guys, those forgettable, mediocre presidents. They didn’t lead our country through crises or wars, right? So how important could they be? In fact, you can sit through every lecture of History 7B on this campus and not once hear the names of the presidents mentioned below (trust me, I’ve done it). Clearly, they are not worthy of our time.

Well, this President’s Day, I’m here to set the record straight! I’m here to wrestle and pin the nagging question, Is there such a thing as a mediocre president? Let’s let history speak for itself. In chronological order, the Hall of Not-Quite-Fame:

Martin Van Buren, Democrat (1837-1841): He took over after Andrew Jackson’s fabled presidency. And due to the untimely death of the Bank of the United States, which terminated a sound means of investment, the economy crashed in 1836 — and Van Buren took the blame for it. Van Buren was very concerned about this unfortunate turn of events, and to solve the problem, he did … well, he proposed … you see, he advocated a policy of … well, he was voted out of office for a reason! But before he was president, he was a very prominent leader of the Democratic Party in its early days, and afterwards he became a member of the Free Soil Party, the antislavery party that preceded the Republicans. That may not be much for a president, but it’s something.

William Henry Harrison, Whig (1841): Perhaps it is a little ironic that the man who gave the longest inaugural address is also the man with the shortest presidency (30 days; after standing outside in the cold for so long giving his speech, he died of pneumonia and a historically large dose of irony). Perhaps this is somewhat interesting.

Perhaps not.

But he was the first Whig president elected, and he was a war hero, deserving of our memory. Andrew Jackson was not the only famous general of the War of 1812, nor did the Democrats have a monopoly on presidential generals. And Harrison won the all-important battle of Tippecanoe on the frontier, among others. It could be argued that this victory was more important than Jackson’s famous victory at New Orleans. After all, Harrison’s battle took place during the war!

John Tyler, Whig (1841-45): Harrison’s vice president, and although the Constitution was unclear in those days as to who would succeed the president in the event of death, Tyler figured he’d take over anyway. Although he was elected on a Whig ticket in the first place, he ruled like a Democrat, refusing to bring back the Bank of the United States. And after serving as president of the United States, he became a member of the Confederate Congress, dying an elected member of the Confederate Government.

Yes, you read that right … probably best that we move on …

James K. Polk, Democrat (1845-1849): Often today we hear people complain that their politicians never follow through on their campaign promises. Not Polk! Polk wanted to accomplish four things: establish an Independent Federal Treasury after Jackson killed the Bank of the United States, acquire California through legal means (Polk initially offered the Mexican government a generous sum of money for the land), settle the Oregon Territory dispute with the English, and lower tariffs on imported goods. Polk accomplished all this, and willingly sought no second term. But alas, besides the song in his honor by They Might Be Giants, Polk today does not get the acclaim he deserves. He was by far the most successful one-term president in our nation’s history, and by lowering tariffs, helped advance the notion of free trade.

Polk was, in fact, anything but mediocre, but since most of us don’t know anything about him regardless, he’s in.

Millard Fillmore, Whig (1850-1853): There’s nothing to say about Millard Fillmore. Really, nothing. Not a single remotely extraordinary or interesting event happened which is worthy of our memory. He may have been a good man, but there’s just nothing for me to write here, so let’s move on.

James A. Garfield, Republican (1881): Garfield was president during what Mark Twain called the “Gilded Age” of American politics; an era mired by the advancement of government bureaucracy, corruption, and patronage. Garfield stood out, however, as a “Half-Breed” Republican, one who sincerely wanted some amount of civil service reform, which would end the placing of party favorites in political offices, regardless of ability or qualifications. But here is what is little known about Garfield: he was ambidextrous and fluent in both Latin and Greek. He could literally write in both languages at the same time! (The group of people who can do this is, if you were wondering, not large.) And the best part, for all you math and science geeks out there: Garfield is credited for coming up with his very own proof of the Pythagorean Theorem. It is unfortunate that Charles Guiteau, a disappointed office seeker, fatally shot Garfield due to an argument over lasagna. (Sorry about that joke — it had to be done.)

Chester A. Arthur, Republican (1881-1885): He was Garfield’s vice president and a Republican “Stalwart,” one who believed that patronage was perfectly alright. That is, until the assassination of Garfield gave Arthur a political reawakening. Arthur boldly pursued a civil-service reform policy, breaking from his loyal party supporters. He passed the Pendleton Act (1883) and established the Civil Service Commission. It helped reform politics: No more political appointees for federal offices! Potential federal employees have to pass a competency test! Demanding standards and reforming bureaucracy! Imagine that! His biggest failure was Congress shooting down his proposal to demand more risqué facial hair for officeholders.

William McKinley, Republican (1897-1901): McKinley’s is a sad story. Though he was widely popular in his day (his policies were credited for ending what was then known as the “great” depression, beginning in 1893) and elected to two terms, he only lived through one. McKinley was assassinated by Leon Czolgosz, a radical, far-left anarchist. Only McKinley’s final orders of “Don’t hurt him” saved Czolgosz from what would have been fatal retribution from the crowd.

In life, McKinley favored laissez-faire economic policy, although the nation had the highest tariffs in its history under his administration. McKinley also favored keeping the country on the gold standard. Since this was the way global currency was measured at the time, it was sound, solid economic policy, a stark contrast to his two-time presidential opponent, William Jennings Bryan, who advocated inflationary monetary policy, proposing a bizarre silver standard, free coinage, and crosses of gold for everyone. This policy probably would have bankrupted investors, creditors, and door-to-door religious-memorabilia salesmen. Thank goodness we’ll never know.

Also, it should be noted that McKinley successfully saw the United States through the Spanish-American War (1898), in which the United States liberated Cuba and later set free the Philippines from their Spanish conquerors.

Calvin Coolidge, Republican (1923-1929): Taking over after President Harding died in office, Coolidge was another popular man in his day, seeing the country through unprecedented economic prosperity. He truly embraced laissez-faire free trade. It is said that Coolidge slept 11 hours a day! But Coolidge had a bold economic policy, and he put Andrew Mellon, the most famous Secretary of the Treasury since Hamilton, in charge of overseeing massive tax cuts after World War I. Regulatory burdens on businesses were lifted, and the nation, people of all classes, thrived. President Reagan, a not-so-mediocre president, put up a portrait of Coolidge in the White House to inspire him. And with good reason.

Mediocre and forgettable, are they? I’d like to see you come up with your own Pythagorean proof! The fact of the matter is, no man who makes it to the top can be mediocre. The 42 presidents all had something special, some talent to bring to the White House. Some were warriors, others were academics. Some had distinguished careers as politicians, businessmen, or haberdashers. These men made it to the top; they are history’s winners, and they have something to teach us. The men who were chosen to lead this great nation should never be forgotten.

Except Jimmy Carter. I think we’d all like to forget about him.

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