’Twas the week before finals,
When all throughout Sproul,
Not a liberal was stirring,
For Congress went foul.
The hippies were tickled by the mischief they’d wreak:
Impeachment, withdrawal … oh, the outlook was bleak.
Since Christmas is right around the corner, perhaps the image I drew of Nancy Pelosi’s America might be too glum to share around the Christmas tree. We might instead benefit from spreading good cheer, singing a sleighing song, or whatever your favorite carol prescribes. But with the prospects of President Hillary ever increasing, heaven and nature aren’t exactly singing.
Christmas indeed came early for liberals. Now America can focus on a danger more insidious than al Qaeda: the imminent threat of global warming. The Battle of Fallujah is over. The Battle on Climate Change is about to begin. We can all sleep easier tonight knowing that environmental hawks will soon take pre-emptive action against cells of Hummer dealerships, or as some like to call them, petrolofascists. Citgo, of course, will remain an ally. As for the rest: you are either with us or with the Chevron Corporation.
Or perhaps the past election has brought good tidings to the conservative movement. We have been reminded of our principles, our values, and, most importantly, the path from which many of our own have strayed. Many have referred to the election as a wake-up call, but I see it as a homecoming. This December, many conservatives will rightfully be home for the holidays, where they will reunite with the promises they left behind. For this new year and the next, the Republican Party has much to expect. For more reflections on the ghost of election past, check out Page 20. Alex Marlow provides us with some important lessons about last November, and how we can save the future for conservatives.
But let not political rancor divide us on Christmas. Save it for the other 30 days of December. If we extended the Christmas celebration all the way to Three Kings Day on January 6 like we should, I would be less tempted to inject partisanship into the holiday season. America, however, has been gradually shelving its Judeo-Christian principles anyway, so I think I’m allowed to have a debate with my left-leaning cousin right before Midnight Mass. Speaking of religion and debate, on Pages 18 and 19, Greg Ge and Rohit Joy give us their insights on the religious wing of the Republican Party. One says it’s bad, the other says it’s good. They debate and you decide.
Ultimately, politics rears its ugly head during the holiday season. The very fact that I instinctively wrote "holiday season" and not "Christmas" demonstrates how overbearing the PC secularist agenda has become. It is not like the "war on Christmas" is anything new. By simply browsing my collection of holiday films, one can trace the history of the left’s attempt to destroy Christmas: The Grinch was an ACLU attorney all along. Who else could despise Christmas so much that he would steal it? Meanwhile, Ralphie’s mom was a gun-control hack. Doesn’t she know that Red Rider BB Guns don’t shoot your eye out, people shoot your eye out? Santa Claus himself was almost done in by a John Edwards–type lawyer on 34th Street. Luckily, traditionalists like scripture-quoting Linus always come in at the final scene to save Christmas.
My film analyses may be a bit overstated, but the bottom line is that you won’t find a liberal on the right side of the Christmas war. Liberals are bothered by the holiday, not simply because it is a time when Americans choose to increase Wal-Mart’s influence, but because it undermines their ideological foundation. The liberal ethos is that individuals are incapable of expressing goodwill on their own. In order for society to help its fellow man, it must be forced. Thankfully, the spirit of Christmas disproves this, as individuals provide gifts to others without coercion from the government. It is essentially conservatism at its best.
To a liberal’s disbelief, the bell ringer from the Salvation Army isn’t a federal bureaucrat, but a volunteer. Many soup kitchens and toy drives aren’t part of a government program, but a local project organized by members of the community. You can’t stuff a stocking with a welfare check and claim to be genuinely concerned about your fellow man. To a conservative, acts of generosity are for individuals to perform, while displays of superficial compassion are left to the government.
Here at Cal, the only semblance of the yuletide takes place during Big Game Week, when Sather Gate is lit up in gold and blue, and the trees are adorned with strings of light. It may not be a direct endorsement of the Christmas season, but for a public institution, it’s close enough. Still, no matter how it is honored, Christmas provides an endearing lesson for all the weary. As James Fullmer tells us on Pages 16 and 17, Christmas is a holiday that shares with us the message of hope and optimism. For conservatives at an ultra-liberal college in an ultra-liberal state, it’s a holiday we can definitely rejoice in.
The last year may have been difficult, and the future may be filled with uncertainty, but Christmas reminds us that we will always have our values. So when you come out of your very last final rejoice and be glad, for Christmas is upon us.
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."
Your Compatriot,
Andrew R. Quinio
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