Perspectives
I think gays should be Republicans
Democrats willing to sell out gays in favor of Hispanics
From the April 2008 Print EditionI love gay people. That’s why I think they should be Republicans.
Gays have “fabulous” taste in clothes. Gays have “spectacular” taste in cars, save for the Mazda Miata. Gays shine at a party with their “fabulous” humor and bubbly personalities. In fact, gays are actually becoming the new straight people — with masculine haircuts and a new focus on buffness, they make their liberal straight counterparts look gay.
For some odd reason, though, gays by and large are sucked up in the strange world of whiny liberal secular-progressivism. Democrats have recruited gays into a party that does absolutely nothing for them.
Democrats are more pro–“gay marriage” than Republicans are, but I honestly think that with the Catholics and Hispanics swinging toward their side, Democrats are secretly willing to sell out the gays. So, in essence, gays are not going to find anyone in either party who’s going to allow them to be pushed into the death trap of marriage where they’re likely to get divorced and physically abuse each other. Considering that Mike “I feel homosexuality is an aberrant, unnatural, and sinful lifestyle” Huckabee failed miserably to become the new face of the Republican Party, gays are also not going to find anyone in either party who’s going to throw them into the gas chamber — it’ll be pretty even on the other gay issues.
Instead of whining about a petty little word and piece of paper that gays think are somehow required for them to actually love each other, why don’t they focus on policies that boost the quality of their everyday lives and help gays throughout the rest of the world. Let me explain:
The war on terror
It is no secret that liberals are overly sympathetic to radical Middle East governments. Whether it’s Saddam Hussein, who killed hundreds of thousands of people (many his own), or the wildly Islamofascist governments in Iran and elsewhere, liberals do not see it pertinent to do anything about these nutcases who stand in the way of democracy and freedom.
Ironically, these same governments and radical fringe groups in the Middle East are the ones that claim homosexuality doesn’t exist and execute people who participate in homosexual acts. (Democrat Bill Richardson is one for two on the above.) Despite our disapproval of their call for the “right” to marry being the only complaint about gays by the Republican Party, gays still talk about President George W. Bush as being considerably more heinous than Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, whose government has executed people committing gay acts, most recently by hanging. If you’ll recall, Bush had a warm and lovely conversation in December with America’s most lovable lesbian, Ellen DeGeneres.
Taxes
So apparently gays have a much higher income than the average straight, especially in a two-person gay household vs. a two-person straight household. Why do they want Democrats and redistributionist liberals taxing the living daylights out of them so they won’t have enough money left over for their big gay cruise to St. Croix or that precious Mazda Miata? Let’s face it — gays are by and large self-absorbed, superficial, and moneygrubbing ... like me. If they understood what Democrats really wanted to do with their hard-earned money, they would have a huge fright.
Crime
Republicans punish criminals and put them away. Democrats want their ridiculous touchy-feely rehabilitation programs, which — as any rational person knows — means that criminals are going to exit jail and orchestrate another gay bashing as they would have otherwise. With so-called hate crimes, or crimes, against gays on the upswing, gays should be concerned about liberals’ excessive coddling and defending of criminals instead of victims. I certainly wish liberals were as concerned with the four Asian victims of Tookie Williams as they were with that monster himself.
If you enjoyed this article, please consider supporting the Patriot