Perspectives
You like a carbon offset with that?
Berkeley: As American as apple pie, er . . . tarte tatin
By Andrew R. Quinio
From the April 2008 Print EditionIf you’re an environmentally conscious vegan, Berkeley is your dining capital. If you’re just someone who wants to eat a hearty meal in the same city, you are sadly forced to have what the vegan is having. In the restaurants immediately surrounding the campus, the first thing you will be reminded of is how socially conscious the food is. The taste of the food is simply an afterthought, since what matters most is whether or not the salad you’re eating is slowing global warming. Besides, the ones who aren’t saying grace for Mother Earth are knuckle-dragging philistines — and you aren’t one of those, are you?
The market of course is at play, and there is nothing wrong with that. The residents demand chic eateries, so smart business owners supply the city with expensive ingredients that sound better than they taste. I have a sinking suspicion, however, that this demand for savvy gourmet is purely superficial. If I had the capital, I would open up a restaurant that served our specialty of romaine wrapped in a tofu-based Chapatti, for only $9.99. It’s just bread and lettuce, but hundreds would buy it because we would tell them that it’s all the rave in Paris and other parts of the world that think they’re better than America. McDonalds may want to take note: A big glowing peace sign may fare better than the neon golden arches.
The only appetite that these socially progressive eateries are feeding is the one connected to a bleeding heart, not an empty stomach. You can’t go wrong with a greasy cheeseburger and a side of fries, or even a ham sandwich on plain white bread. But you also can’t lecture self-assuredly about “social constructs of consumerism” or “internalized oppression of the majority minority” while biting into a quarter-pounder with cheese. Calling it a “Royale with cheese” cannot save your liberal credibility either.
Eating gelato because it tastes good is proper, but eating gelato simply because it makes you look sophisticated is just silly. Being cultured and refined is not a problem, but pretending to be and forcing one’s false sophistication on others is. The student dining commons on campus, for example, revised its menu to achieve a 100 percent organic certification. Vegan tofu-carrot cake and cage-free eggs served in ecotainers remind me to be thankful of my freshman days before the greendining revolution, when I could pour processed melted nacho cheese all over my French fries without being scolded for killing polar bears.
Even our nation’s capital suffers from imperious bon vivants. In January, Nancy Pelosi forced the House of Representatives’ cafeterias to adopt “environmentally friendly and socially progressive” menus, according to The Politico. It should be no surprise that this move was made by a resident of the Bay Area. Jell-O was replaced with mini lemon-blueberry trifles, meatloaf with mahi mahi, and hot dog buns with baguettes. Replacing Jell-O and meatloaf, the foods of our national heritage, is quite frankly un-American. The tyranny of liberalism has finally reached our dinner plates. First they came for our styrofoam, but I didn’t speak out because I didn’t use styrofoam. Then they came for our meatloaf.
The saying, “You don’t make friends with salad,” is perhaps in need of some revision. As I have learned in the intellectually pretentious cafes of Berkeley, you can make friends with salad, as long as you can stomach a side of smugness and a large order of guilt.
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